ROXY MOTION

HEYYY!

noreply@blogger.com (Roxy Motion) — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 04:56:00 +0000

it's me, baby! i'm back!

god, i can't believe it's been over TWO months since i've posted here. and i've missed it like crazy. you have no idea.

well, obviously cam told you about my little run-in with a brick wall. NOT FUN. i spent eons in the hospital, and then i got to come home, and i'm still having to do some physical therapy. it sucks so much... but at least i'm alive. and i feel so... restless or something. i am going to be 18 after all, this month. so. yay me.

i've missed you guys! thanks so much for the comments. you guys are the greatest and i love you like crazy.

hit me up on aim/msn sometime? roxymotion/roxymotion@live.com

AND now i have a tumblr! roxymotion.tumblr.com

pretty excited.

i'll get to leaving some comments soon. now it's off to bed for me. it's late and i'm tired. posts soon.

xoxox

ROXY

Hi.

noreply@blogger.com (Roxy Motion) — Fri, 15 May 2009 17:19:00 +0000

This is Cambria. You might have heard about me. :P

Well, I just wanted to tell you all that Roxy got in a car accident a couple weeks ago. that's why she hasn't posted in a while. She's coming home tomorrow. :)

she's been in the hospital since the accident. See, she was driving, and a car swerved over in her lane all of a sudden and sent the car spinning into a light pole, then a concrete wall. she was hurt pretty bad (why she was in the hospital so long). Jake (you probably know about him too) was in the car, too, and since his side didn't hit the pole or wall, he wasn't really hurt. just a few minor (super, super minor, like gone in a few days minor) scratches and bruises. it probably wouldn't have been as bad if the other driver had been in a smaller car. see, Roxy drives this tiny little car (you should have seen it. it used to be so cute, before it got totaled), and the other driver was in this gargantuan SUV.

anyway, today she mentions her blog and so I told her I'd put up a post for her. I might have to put up a few more because her left hand is broken and her right one is sprained and majorly bruised, and basically unusable. also her left arm and leg are broken in several places. then there were internal injuries, and others, because she hit her head, too.

So, to wrap this up, she's doing better, although she's still pretty bad. but we're all so, so happy she's coming home!!! :D

xoxo

Cambria

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY.

noreply@blogger.com (Roxy Motion) — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 21:14:00 +0000

so, my cousin, carley, and i had a bet.

i'm not going to say what the bet was, but if she lost, she had to make some online accounts.

because carley is not what you would call wired in. far from it.

so. she lost. :)

and her blog url is palsessi.blogspot.com, same for twitter and myspace (username: palsessi, that is).

love you all!

long, juicy post coming soon. i promise!

roxy.

color quiz results.

noreply@blogger.com (Roxy Motion) — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 18:59:00 +0000

i found a link to this quiz on someone's blog, so, of course i had to take it.

it seems somewhat accurate (albeit being described on the site as "very accurate" ... exaggerated advertising strikes again!)... i don't know. TRUE OR NOT?

(i posted the results below so there would be no need for links or anything.)

Free personality analysis of roxy.
Generated on Sat, 11 Apr 2009 12:00:05 -0700

roxy's Existing Situation

"Is sensitive and easily influenced by other's thoughts and emotions. Looking for friendly, easy-going relationships and jobs that help develop them."

roxy's Stress Sources

"Needs to meet people who have the same high principals and values as himself, but finds the need unfulfilled. her need to feel dominate and superior leaves her feeling isolated and does not allow for her to give freely of himself. she would like to surrender and let go, but sees that as a weakness she must not give in to. Holding back will allow her to stand out for the crowd and earn a higher status, recognized by others as unique and important."

roxy's Restrained Characteristics

Current events leave her feeling forced into compromise in order to avoid being cut off from affection or future cooperation.

Has strong emotional demands and is picky when it comes to choosing a partner. she chooses to remain emotionally distant and uninvolved in relationships.

"Although she is able to find contentment through sexual activity, she feels hopeless to change her problems and difficulties and continues to make the best of what she has."

"Struggles to make her demands clear, but feels ignored. Feels resentful, but acts as if she doesn't care, doing what is necessary to keep peace."

Current events leave her feeling forced into compromise in order to avoid being cut off from affection or future cooperation.

roxy's Desired Objective

Seeks to be known for something she has accomplished and uses her social abilities to win people over. Emotional and sensitive and romantic.

roxy's Actual Problem

"Impressed by unique and one of a kind things, and by people with exceptional personalities. Tries to takes the characteristics she likes in other people and apply it to herself as well as coming across as a unique individual."

post #50! dance with me, baby!

noreply@blogger.com (Roxy Motion) — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 06:21:00 +0000

Take this survey

What's your favorite color gummy bear?
orange.

What is the sexiest part of the opposite sex's body?
um. face. (cliched, i know, but he's got to have an amazing smile)

Have you ever made up/sang a song for someone you cared about?
pahaha. i can't write poetry/songs. but my friends and i have sang to each other as jokes.

Ever had a song sang about/for you?
-thinks- actually, yes. (landon; that "far away" song by nickelback)

Is there a baby in the room with you right now?
pahaha. there isn't even a baby DOLL in this whole house.

Do you know how to dance?
i like to think so. :P

Where do you sing the most, in the car, the shower or other?
i sing. shower. onstage. um. in my room. to my kitkat.

What is your favorite thing that is green?
my limegreen sharpie! lol. um. i have a ring with a green stone in it that i wear a lot.

What did your last text message say?
"that's the shittiest excuse i've ever heard"

Boxers, briefs or boxer briefs?
uhhh. i don't know.

What is your middle name?
it starts with a J and it's five letters long.

What is the way to your heart?
be my friend.

What do you smell like?
well, i guess my shampoo, which has a fruity smell, since i just got out of the shower.

What's in your pocket?
pajama pants are pocketless.

Anything in your mouth?
tongue. teeth. gums.

Ever hurt yourself playing Wii?
pahaha. no.

Do you have freckles?
i have five exactly. two are on my legs, two are on my stomach and one on my arm.

How many languages can you say "Hello" in?
um. hello. hola. howdy. ciao. bonjour. five.

What's the last movie you saw in the theater?
honestly? right now i don't remember.

Ever jumped/fallen/been pushed in a pool with your clothes on?
ohhh yes. good times. :)

Are you wearing any clothes that you wore yesterday?
negative. it's kind of gross to put on what you were wearing BEFORE you took a shower.

Name a song that you know all the words to:
most/all anberlin, fm static, flyleaf, fall out boy, avril lavigne, and green day songs

Are you in love with someone right now?
pahaha. um. no.

What's the last thing you watched on TV?
an at&t commercial

What's the last video game you played?
guitar hero

Who is your daddy and what does he do?
my daddy is my father. he's partially responsible for me being here. he works a job most of the time

Can you do the alphabet in sign language?
i can.

Do you have an unkle named Joe?
"unkle," you say? i don't have such a thing. as for unCles, no, i don't.

What word do you use when people pass gas?
"awwwww shiiiiiiiiiiit" ... pahaha

Do you wear glasses?
nope.

What can you hear right now?
commercial on the radio

Did you feel better or worse or the same yesterday?
right now i'm a freakin' zombie.

Ever been overseas?
sort of.

What are your plans for today?
saturday... sleep in, baby.

How long have you had MySpace?
a while.

What was your favorite childhood show?
bill nye the science guy

Are you close to your siblings?
i'm closer to my brother than i am to my sister

What was your first job?
first job? president of the roxy lemonade company.

Do you bite your nails?
when they break

Do you like your feet?
super gay, fetishy freakish question. i don't know. i suppose. feet are feet are feet.

Do you sleep well at night?
more or less.

CLICK HERE TO TAKE THIS SURVEY!

normally, i'd write this post later on, but there's nothing else to do, so why not?

noreply@blogger.com (Roxy Motion) — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 23:49:00 +0000

got back from the hill about five minutes ago.

jake roxy is extremely protective of his little kitty tail. he'll be all happy and purring and such, just sitting there, but if you touch his tail (i mean touch with your finger, not pull or anything), he'll hiss at you.

AND HE'S GOT THE CUTEST DAMN HISS.

and then he might shake his paw at me, depending on his mood.

anyways. my "date" with landon. it wasn't really a date; it was simply two friends going out to chat and catch up on old times and .... nobody wants to hear that bullshit. okay. well, actually we wound up making out for a while and then we did it in the backseat of his car and now i think i might be pregnant and ... oh, wait, none of that is true.

GOTCHA.

well, i got there first, but he wasn't there, so i went in the bathroom and made sure my hair looked okay. (which it did. saturday was an awesome hair day.) when i came out, he was there, looking at a coffee display.

he looks pretty much the same as he used to, except he might be a little bit taller. he's definitely more muscular, and i don't know what happened to his eyes, but... wow. i definitely don't remember them being that blue. or, well, piercing.

i remember he's always had a gorgeous smile. i mean, he still does have that, but his eyes are freakin' hypnotic now.

i'll just be succinct and say he got hotter, somehow.

but that sounds too crass.

MOVING ON.

"roxy?" he says, like he's not sure who i am.

"hi," i say.

he smiles. "you look great."

"you do too."

LIE LIE LIE. he looks amazing.

so, then we walk up to the counter, and order our drinks and take them over to this little table in the corner by a big window.

he said he wasn't sure i'd show.

i asked him why. i mean, seriously. i was the one who called HIM. why wouldn't i show?

or is that code for "i was kind of hoping you wouldn't show so i could get my decaf mango/papaya/banana/vanilla/caramel/cinnamon mocha with skim milk, hold the whipped cream, with a cherry on top and go home in peace"?

(i don't know if such an atrocious drink really exists. but i swear, it took the guy in front of us a full minute to describe what he wanted. at least.)

he said he didn't know. then he's like, "blah blah, it's been a while, why did you call, blah blah"

(okay, so he wasn't THAT blase about it. or even rude.)

i said he'd just popped into my head (i conveniently left out the part about wc's tag, and my blog... god only knows, he might try to read it or something. not that i care.)

i asked him why we'd broken up... i honestly can't remember, really. he said he doesn't remember either. he also asked me if i'd been dating anyone. i said no. which is true, really, but he doesn't have to know about all of my little crushes and such. he had one girlfriend, named either alexandra or alexandria. not sure which. i think i might actually know his girlfriend... unless i'm thinking of the wrong alexandr[i]a, because i sure as hell haven't seen landon ANYWHERE since we broke up.

but he and this alex girl are broken up now.

perfect timing.

not that i'm looking to get back together with him. at least i don't think so. not yet.

so we talked for a while about random shit and all... then we left. i went home, and alan texted me and suggested we go out to the hill. so we did. we ate big macs (more like big macstake) and talked about nothing. i told him about landon (turns out, he knows landon and thinks he's a good person) and he said to just let whatever happens happen.

we figured out that we'd met sometime a while ago, when landon and i were dating. just in passing...

HA. and to think we'd wind up friends all this time later by chance.

sunday = boring.

today = equally boring. yay for spring break. the other family are coming here soon and i really, really, really don't want that to happen. ugh.

because it's not like i can go run off to hang out with my friends. (i don't know what jake's doing, but i know c&c are going off to do something with the church... evangelizing the lost or something. who knows. thankfully, my dad thought it was ridiculous (i'm not sure why he's even going to this church... he and i are basically of the same opinion as far as church goes, more or less) and my mother thought it was unnecessary, and rude, since the dear lord only knows what the family would think of us if i went away while family are here. fuck it. alan's staying here, i know, which is good for me.) my mother would make me take joolz with me. carley and ryan i don't really mind, because they're good people, but joolz... well, i guess she can always babysit mandy. watch me not give a fuck.

shit, this is long... well, i'm going to go... find a snack or something. i wonder if carley still has the pink in her hair. maybe this time we can go get snakebites. pahaha.

roxy<3

just fine and dandy

noreply@blogger.com (Roxy Motion) — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 02:46:00 +0000

so... um. well, i found landon's number.

and i held onto it for a few days, debating on whether or not to call him.

then i threw his number away. i said, "fuck it, he's part of my past, let it go, roxy."

but then i fished his number out of the trashcan and dialed it before i could change my mind.

and then i realized that i still knew his number by heart, because i didn't even look at the paper as i was punching the buttons on my phone.

i was really worried that he didn't have the same number, because i remember that he changed his number, like, three times when we were dating. (i'm not sure why. i think he switched services and they gave him different numbers.)

BUT HE ANSWERED.

"hi," he said.

"hi," i said.

silence.

"this is roxy," i said.

"i know," he said.

i was surprised, because i hadn't even been smart enough to say, "hi, this is roxy," when he picked up.

"you do?" i said.

"yeah," he said.

"how?" i said.

"i recognized your voice."

OF COURSE HE DID. i've never been good at recognizing people's voices on the phone. i always have to ask who's calling, if caller id doesn't show it.

"um," i say, because i'm just that articulate.

he laughs. "what's up? it's been a while."

"yeah."

looking back, i'm thinking this must be the worst case of nerves EVER. if there's one thing i can do, it's talk (ask anyone who knows me), and i've never been a shy kid or stricken dumb with stage fright. yet there i was, acting like my tongue was glued to the roof of my mouth with peanut butter. (why does peanut butter do that, anyway?)

"how have you been?" he says.

"pretty good," i say. "you?"

"not bad."

and we're silent again. i used to spend HOURS talking to this guy... online, in person, on the phone... and now we have nothing to say to each other?

"you know, it's weird that you call," he says. "i was just thinking about you."

"really?" i say.

i have a feeling that he's lying to make me feel better or something.

"all good things, i hope," i continue.

he laughs. "you know i always think good things about you, z."

and then i felt better.

landon has always had a million nicknames for me: rox (which, surprisingly, very few people ever call me), x (for the x in my name), z (because the "xy" tends to be pronounced like a z), ro (either short for rock on or like row, row, row your boat), RJ (my first and middle initals), JC (my middle and last initials), RC (first and last), etc.

well, long story short, we talked for a while and one thing led to another and we're going out on saturday. to starbucks, around noon or something.

i'm kind of chipper right now. :)

roxy.

47

noreply@blogger.com (Roxy Motion) — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 01:11:00 +0000

okay, so this is my 47th post. which is, i guess, kind of pathetic since i've had this thing for almost a year, in july.

wandering child is making me do this. um. it's better than other tags i've been forced to do. :P

ROXY IN THE EARLY DAYS

i was born just after midnight on july 23, 1991, which makes me a leo by only a few minutes. (i'm very proud of being a leo for some reason. don't ask why.) at first, my mom thought her contractions were indigestion, but my dad was freaking out and insisted on taking her to the hospital. turned out, he was right, and i arrived in the big, wide world a couple of hours later.

at age five, i discovered what meat was made of, and i tried vegetarianism. that lasted about three days, when i discovered that the only things i liked eating had meat in them. (for the most part, anyway. you can't live on french fries and cucumber slices.)

at school, i was constantly criticized for being the first one to finish my work (which means i was always the first one out on the playground, bitch) and often accused (wrongly, might i add) of cheating. several teachers thought i was gifted, but this isn't true. i'm fast, not smart.

i attended only about a month of second grade, due to the fact that i was constantly falling ill or severely injuring myself, so i had to repeat that grade, which was very embarrassing for me at the time, and i often lied about my age.

we moved around a lot until mom discovered she was pregnant with the twins (they were born not long before i turned nine), and we settled in the town i'm in now, although we have changed houses a few times. i met jake the summer before fourth grade at the girl next door's birthday party. he was really only there because his mom and her mom were close friends. i found the party ridiculously boring (it was supposed to be a fantasy ball theme, and it was stupid), and jake and i wound up bonding over a mutual love of baseball and nickelodeon. it turned out that we were in the same class when school started, so we wound up hanging out together a lot.

we also went to catholic church (or whatever it's called... mass?) when we lived in jersey, mostly because we lived with my uber-religious great aunt. her house was like a freakin' shrine, and every time the church doors were open, we were there.

ROXY IN THE T(W)EEN YEARS

at twelve, in sixth grade, we met cambria. she's a year younger than jake and me. when i first met her, i must say, i wasn't exactly impressed. she was very quiet and dressed like the cast of barney and friends. (obviously, i was much, much cooler.) we really didn't hit it off until spring break, when jake went off to wherever he went with his family, and cambria and i were left to entertain ourselves. actually, we probably wouldn't have gotten close if our dads hadn't become friends. her dad would drop cambria off at our house while he and my dad went off to go fishing or whatever. anyway, by the end of sixth grade, jake, cambria and i were inseparable.

in seventh grade, at thirteen, i got my first boyfriend (who has since moved to colorado or someplace), nathan, who gave me my first kiss. i think we were both too immature, since the next day he was dating some other girl (he was very popular in seventh grade, i might add) and i was rigging his locker to spit a million ping pong balls into the hall when he opened it. i can't believe i got away with that. good times.

eighth grade, cambria's dad got married (well, remarried, anyway), jake got his first girlfriend (amid much suspicion that i was his girlfriend... some things never change), and i didn't date anyone, having come to the conclusion that all guys were scum (super long story). jake asked me what he was, chopped liver? i said yes, he was. that was also the year i got my first starring role in the school play. what can i say... participation was low, and so they had to lower their standards considerably. it was either me or the loudmouthed bitch who wound up playing my servant.

ninth grade, freshman year, was actually pretty tame, free from fabled freshman torture. i started dating landon, whom i consider my first REAL boyfriend (nathan was... experimental, i guess). more on him in a moment. jake's girlfriend (i can't remember her name) moved, and they eventually just stopped talking. cambria's stepmother got religion and made cambria get a promise ring, along with making the family start attending church regularly. cambria complained for a while, until she got religion too (or something... she won't say she got saved or whatever), and then she shut up.

in tenth grade, landon and i broke up very amicably, although i went home and cried myself to sleep two nights in a row. come to think of it, i'm still not sure why we broke up. maybe i should give him a call. i'm pretty sure he's still around. i also tried being a vegetarian again, twice. that lasted all of two weeks, collectively. i also worked on the newspaper, debate team (which they disbanded because no one was really interested in it), ran track and was on drama team. i also spent a lot of time helping cambria with yearbook, although i wasn't yearbook staff. (I HATED YEARBOOK.) i also met jade that year.

ROXY IN THE PRESENT

right now, i'm seventeen, a junior, and an extremely sporadic blogger. this past year has been more or less recorded here, so i'm not going to reiterate it entirely. i had a very interesting summer with some extended family, jake dated a girl named kira (very seriously, might i add), cambria started dating a guy named christian, who is also her first boyfriend and fellow promise-ring wearer, and i haven't dated anyone yet. i've become close with alan, who is dating a guy named milo, and jade and i are still friends. i've also started going to cambria's church (TOTALLY not my idea) and youth group, and i'm still in acting and i write an advice column for the school newspaper. that's fun.

that was more of a rundown of my love life than anything, which is pathetic.

i'm thinking i might give landon a call, though. or at least try... i mean, why not? i haven't thought about him in FOREVER, until this tag thinger... props to WC.

roxy.

am i supposed to tag other people? um.

i tag pooks, nicole linette, jemima, alayna whisper, natalie, and rose valentine.

the end of the story.

and I walked right into school and caught you staring at me

noreply@blogger.com (Roxy Motion) — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 19:20:00 +0000

i do not like katy perry.

but cambria does. and she's been singing/playing "one of the boys" all day and it's stuck in my head now.

it's not bad. "i kissed a girl" was okay the first few times. after that, it just got annoying, especially with all the media frenzy.

GET OVER IT.

"hot n cold" was basically the same, without the insane media frenzy ... and "ur so gay" ... well, let's just say that i really hate that song.

moving on.

these past weeks have been ... interesting.

i really have no idea where the time goes. you look at the clock, it's around eleven a.m. ... you look again and it's five p.m.

wtf?

katie came to YG, so i finally got to meet her. she turned out to be an eighth-grader.

um.

she's pretty. blond, blue-eyed. just ... kind of blah. from what i can tell, there's nothing remotely interesting or quirky about her. white bread, cookie-cutter type of person.

a circle is more edgy.

i like to think i'm more or less an open-minded person. but, really... i mean, katie is twelve. mike is seventeen. and they're dating. it's one of those, "um, yeah, okay" type of relationships.

and ah... jake and i kissed, for real this time (not my fault, it was all him), and it felt really good but so, so wrong... so wrong. and we had a very long, very awkward conversation and now we're really not speaking to each other.

i mean, we're friendly, on speaking TERMS and such but not really hanging out.

so. yeah.

last saturday i took a mini road trip with alan and milo over to the next town to visit milo's sister. that was pretty fun.

see, this is why i love alan. he's one of the best people i know, he's nice and funny and caring and nothing is ever complicated with him. i mean, it's like he just GETS everything.

(from what i can tell, milo is pretty much the same way, only he doesn't like anything that alan likes, except football.)

nothing is ever a major issue with between us. it's there, it is what it is, we can talk about it and it's okay, either way, and IT'S REALLY ANNOYING THAT I CAN'T HAVE THAT WITH ANYONE ELSE.

okay, i didn't realize this was kind of a sore subject with me until i started writing about it. but it's not all bad. except for a few things, this week has been pretty okay.

in a way, i envy katie. i wish i were back in middle school, when everything was so much less complicated.

i'd love to have a nice long chat with my younger self... you know, give her a few pointers, tell her a few things to avoid... and a few things to do instead.

like, maybe i should have started this blog sooner, and i definitely shouldn't have let cambria try to layer my hair that one time. although, all in all, it really didn't turn out that bad.

r o x y m o t i o n ♥

You Are 16% Spoiled

You are definitely not spoiled. You've worked hard for what you have.
Down to earth and grounded, you don't need a lot to make you happy.

so said the personality test, and personality tests are never wrong!

hey, man, tell me, what were you thinking?

noreply@blogger.com (Roxy Motion) — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 03:08:00 +0000

okay, i'm home now and i can write what i wanted to before, but couldn't with jake looking over my shoulder. and i don't mean jake roxy, who is sitting next to me, punctuating various words with meows.

anyways.

so glad it's spring break. the only thing is, joolz & co. are coming for a visit. not really looking forward to that.

i wonder if she's showing yet.

-evil smile-

i'm such a mean person.

MOVING ON!

jake and i have been hanging out a lot again, sometimes with alan, sometimes with c&c, sometimes all of us, sometimes just the two of us.

actually, a lot of it's just the two of us, now, since alan's sort of, but not really, dating this guy milo.

yes, milo. like milo & otis.

but milo is nice. kind of cute. smart. funny. i like him.

and then there's mike, who i talk to at youth group, but never outside of it or anything. (he goes to another school, so i only have to see him thursday nights and whenever YG does shit.) and it's almost like he gets better looking every time i see him. WHICH IS ANNOYING.

and he's been talking about some girl named katie lately, which is boring. i mean, really. do i care who you know or like? not really. (unless it's me.) do i go around talking about the people i know to you? no, i do not.

i'm not THAT mean, exactly. i don't TOTALLY mind listening to people tell me about their friends. but the thing is, i can't tell if he's using her to make me jealous or something (i certainly don't see him talking with other girls at YG) or if he likes her.

and that's really fucking annoying.

but other than that, he's nice. except for when he spouts churchy lingo. like, "what's God been doing for you?"

"uh, nothing much, really. he's there, i'm here."

"isn't that the truth. he's always there."

"so i've heard."

i can't complain, i'm in a church, you expect to hear stuff about God. but i don't think it's fair for my parents to make me attend YG. when i'm out on my own, i am fully not going to church. i don't like it.

moving further along to what i wanted to say before.

a couple of nights ago, i kissed jake on the cheek — well, i was aiming for his cheek, anyway — and he turned his head and caught half of it on the lips.

it was over too quickly for me to tell if he's a good kisser or not. (which i've always been curious about.)

and then it just got awkward and embarrassing for about five minutes.

then we were talking about something else and more or less forgot about it. well, the awkwardness dissipated, anyway.

i don't know if i actually want to DATE jake. i mean, if he asked me out, in all honesty, i'd probably say yes. but... i think maybe more a FWB type of thing. i mean, what if it all goes south if we date and then break up? and just sort of fade out of each other's lives like kira's doing. it's like she's trying to wean herself off us or vice versa or whatever. but we're not seeing as much of her these days.

he's been my best friend since we were kids. and i really don't want to lose that.

so... i don't what i'll do.

if anything. i'm kind of fine with the way it is right now.

roxy.

ps. that doesn't mean i'm still not curious about that.

want to be your last first kiss

noreply@blogger.com (Roxy Motion) — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 19:39:00 +0000

my previous record was 12 comments on a blog post. that was broken by one comment.

YAY

cats are apparently a very comment-inducing topic. especially when you are asking for your readership's help naming said cat.

which is named like a celebrity baby. you know, since celebrity kids get stuck with, like, twenty names and all of them are weird.

most of the time.

anyway, on official documents it says the kitty's name is jake roxy, which nobody likes, but it's my cat and i can name him whatever i want. (jake roxy turned out to be a boy, which was a grave disappointment to me.) so, obviously, i call him that. and it's very hard when i'm trying to scold jake roxy for something (like chewing paper and leaving little saliva-drenched shreds all over the place), because i laugh every time i say "jake roxy" out loud.

my mother calls JR felix, after the iconic black & white cartoon cat. my sister calls him spots (which is a really, really lame name, but at least it's better than her previous suggestions of either nick (for nick jonas) or zac (for zac efron) for a boy, or miley (obvious) or ashley (for ashley tisdale) for a girl). my brother's name for jake roxy changes depending on who he's with (case in point: around my mom he calls JR felix, around me he calls him either jake or roxy, etc.). my father had a good laugh over the whole name fiasco and now refers to jake roxy as "your cat", as in, "roxy, will you please come down here and get your cat? he's chewing my newspaper again."

and my father does not appreciate his copy of the new york times being turned into wet confetti, let me tell you.

fortunately for me, jake roxy doesn't really chew up anything important. he prefers crumpled paper, mostly.

overall, i think JR has been pretty well-received.

there's more i want to write but i'll have to do it after jake (the original one) leaves.

xox

roxymotion♥

guess this means you're sorry

noreply@blogger.com (Roxy Motion) — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 05:08:00 +0000

you're standing at my door.
guess this means you take back all you said before.

i am currently in possession of a tiny little kitty.

well, kitten.

compliments of jake, actually.

i was expecting alan to come over (and he left like five minutes ago) and when i heard the doorbell ring, i thought it was him.

but no, it's jake, holding a squirming little bundle.

"it's for you," he says, and basically leaves.

god, this cat is adorable. she (i assume it's a she -- jake didn't think to tell me its gender, apparently)'s got black and white splotches all over, with a few gray ones thrown in. she looks like a rorschach test in cat form.

so i'm like, shit, kitty, you are just the cutest thing... unfortunately for me, what am i going to do when nature calls? or you get hungry? i mean, we've got plenty of milk, but not, like, tuna or anything... (that ran out on the old cat)... fortunately for all of us, for some reason, my mom never got rid of the cat bed and litter box.

and then alan knocks at the back door (which he usually does, so i'm not sure why i thought he'd try coming through the front) and he's holding a bag of cat food and a bag of kitty litter.

and i get suspicious, like, maybe this was all some sort of scheme the two of them had cooked up... then he asks, "what's with the cat stuff--" and then he sees the cat i'm holding. kitten. this is a tiny, tiny cat -- and he's like, "oh."

i ask him if he had anything to do with this, and he says no. i believe him, but, well...

ah, i'm not going to complain. i was kind of wanting another kitty.

i really need to get ahold of jake to find out the cat's gender and if it's had its shots and stuff. otherwise, it will be bye bye, kitty.

although... i mean, what would be the point of giving me a cat that needs to be fixed? that's just stupid.

GOD THIS CAT IS SO CUTE. she (i'm going to refer to it as she unless i discover differently) seems to find my typing fingers fascinating and alternately stares at them intensely or swipes them with her tiny paws.

she seems to be declawed, so i assume she's fixed. maybe.

anyway.

i need help naming this cat... any ideas, people? because i am fully drawing a blank here.

thanks muchly.

roxymotion♥

because we belong together now, yeah

forever united here somehow, yeah

you got a piece of me

and honestly

my life would suck without you

boom boom boom

noreply@blogger.com (Roxy Motion) — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 23:47:00 +0000

i've been tagged by the fabulous jemima

who also gave me the award below.

THANK YOU. I feel special.

go read her blog. it's very whimsical and awesome in general.

The rules of this blogging award are to:

1. Link the blog who gave you this award.

2. Give the award to seven other bloggers and link them.

3. Tell them that you have given them an award.

i, roxy motion, award the following seven:

1. wandering child
2. cady cep
3. alayna whisper
4. nicole linette
5. pooks
6. skippy
7. helen

now, time for the 4x4 tag.

Places I go over and over...

1. school. just about every day, there i am.

2. the hill. pretty obvious... a grass carpeting a big mound of dirt.

3. blogspot. what can i say... blogs are interesting.

4. lalaland... more commonly known as the space roxy goes in her head when she kind of spaces out... maybe roxyland is a better term....

People who e-mail me regularly:

1. Cambria with all her stupid chain emails... there's a reason i don't pass those on, you know.

2. blogger to tell me i have new comments!! :)

3. twitter

4. IMVU.

Favorite Smells:

1. lip gloss... especially the fruity kind. i'm such a lip gloss whore.

2. britney spears's "curious" perfume.

3. cookies baking. nothing better.

4. roses and jasmine.

Places I Would Rather Be:

1. california.

2. with alan on the hill. or maybe with jake.

3. seventh grade history.

4. on television.

TV Shows I Watch:

1. how i met your mother

2. the loop (bring this show back!)

3. 30 rock

4. friends

The Fourth Picture From My Folder

i'm just going to do what jemima did and give the 4x4 to everyone i awarded the award to. lol.

roxymotion♥

the best you could hope to be

noreply@blogger.com (Roxy Motion) — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 05:04:00 +0000

i'm really not in the proper frame of mind to write this post, because i'm kind of upbeat and hyper right now and a lot of shit has gone down this week.

on a completely unrelated note:

you know how there are some subjects you just never think about until somebody brings them up. because, as a general rule, you don't sit around wondering if your parents ever feel underappreciated (or whatever), unless it's mothers day or something like that and then you're obligated. anyhow, when someone does bring up the subject, it's like an obnoxious gnat determined to investigate the black hole that is your ear and won't shut up or die. because gnats are too tiny to kill, the bitches. and then, with that subject gnat bugging you, you feel guilty.

which is annoying.

okay, i'm in the right frame of mind now.

so, we all know the end of the j&k saga... they're done, over, toast, kaput, yada yada, and we're all acting like retarded idiots, yada yada (except jade... aka the only sane one, who isn't technically ONE, but hey)...

jake and i have been hanging out a lot lately. which is really cutting into my time with alan. i wish cambria wasn't with christian so the three of us could be together again and she could listen to him whine while i watch how i met your mother or whatever. but if she and christian broke up, i'd be stuck with two whiny bitches instead of one. i don't know who kira is whining to, but it's not me, which is good, because i'm sick of being in the middle.

so... uh... well, last night, jake and i went out on the hill and hung out for a while there. and we almost wound up kissing several times. the first time, i sort of freaked and was like, "holy shit, this grass is cold" ... even though i'd been sitting on it for the past couple of hours. stupid, roxy, stupid... the second time was my doing (brain spasm, like well, i screwed it up the first time, maybe the second time will work) and he's like, "wow, your eyes kind of look like kira's... oh, shit... i mean, ah, wow. how's that story coming?"

(i had to write a story for lit class... long story short, i suck at writing, like, majorly. i got jade to help me by bribing her with jelly beans. i know her achilles heel. ;) )

third time i'm not sure who started it, but then i was like, "oh, hey, you know, i never gave you your notebook back" and he's like, "oh, yeah, right. i need that"... the fourth time, well, i kind of grabbed him and kissed him on the cheek (yeah, i know, i know) and basically walked home without saying anything.

i even cried a little, although i'm not really sure why.

my mother met me at the back door as i was coming in and she's all, "have a nice time with jake? it's good that you two are hanging out again"... and i just said, "yeah, sure, mom" and went upstairs. it's just too depressing. and all i really wanted to do was sleep.

today was okay. i thought it was going to be awkward or something, but apparently debate team (which jake is on) had to have an emergency meeting and jake wasn't at lunch or anything, and everything else was pretty standard.

i'm still wondering if kira is/was pregnant.

and i didn't know i was such a... chicken. or a prude, i guess. really. it's embarrassing. but... i don't know. i'm kind of... naive, in a way, that i want everything to stay like it was a few years ago. or even before 2008. gah.

but i don't want to be the rebound girl. i don't think jake's like that, exactly, but you never know what people will do... and i mean, i don't want to ruin our friendship, or anything.

i'm not sure how i feel about the whole friends with benefits thing, either. especially with him fresh off a breakup.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

i guess it means something that i'm the one he's coming to to whine about the breakup. maybe.

roxymotion

btw: it was fun talking to you tonight. you know who you are. :)

#40

noreply@blogger.com (Roxy Motion) — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 02:10:00 +0000

my current favorite song combination is "upside down" by a*teens and "w.a.m.s." by fall out boy. fun stuff.

j&k are no longer j&k. we're all acting like nothing happened.

but there is obvious tension... i mean, how could there not be? and then, just when everything is semi-normal for, like, half a second, someone makes some thoughtless remark and BAM! instant tension again.

and then today alan's like, "so, jake, how about going out with roxy?"

i felt my freaking BLOOD freeze. i wanted to strangle alan with the fringe on cambria's stupid jacket (today she was wearing this awful brown leather jacket with fringe all over it... and matching cowboy boots... UGLY BEYOND BELIEF.)... and then jake decides to play along and goes, "sure, rox, how about it?"

(i'm sitting between alan (on my left) and jake (on my right) at the picnic table outside... alan's across from kira, i'm across from christian, and jake's across from cambria...... just so you have a better visual)

and drapes his arm around me like he's serious. but i can see his eyes look sad.

and anyway... so, i completely lost my mind and said:

"what? no. are you gay?"

and everyone laughed like it was funnier than a coach hines skit from madtv (and that shit is HILARIOUS --- i've spent the evening watching it on youtube).

it's really hard to know what the old roxy would have done. i mean, we all know i used to be jealous of j&k's relationship (and that's putting it mildly).

but i'm reading waaaaay too much into this. IT WAS A JOKE.

grrr. this is so ANNOYING. maybe i do still like jake like that.

so now i'm watching how i met your mother. i've seen every episode of that show twice... now 3 times, i guess.

UGH. mandy just got out of the shower and now the whole upstairs REEKS of her shower gel. it's amazing that we don't go broke buying her grooming products. she uses like half a bottle of shampoo every time she takes a shower.

and now the upstairs is going to smell like dead strawberries for the next couple of hours. i just might die.

thank god tomorrow is friday. i have no plans for the weekend or anything, so i guess i'll sleep in or something.

right now all i have to do is school, and i like having plenty of unstructured time.

everyone said junior year was going to be so hard academically. so far, that isn't true. no harder than sophomore or freshman year, anyway.

also, my earliest posts (like from july) really annoy me. they were so... i don't know. i like to think i've matured since then, but you can never really tell about those sorts of things.

roxy♥

feeling like a blog whore

noreply@blogger.com (Roxy Motion) — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 02:22:00 +0000

when's the last time i posted so much? never. that's when.

today robby saw mandy kissing the kid who lives down the street and (literally) ran crying to my mother. screaming, too.

he is eight, after all.

mandy is also eight. and the kid she kissed is like twelve.

-cue collective EW from everyone reading-

according to robby, they kissed a lot. or something. i'm reasonably certain he didn't hang around long enough to find out.

so, now, my mother has been explaining things to mandy about sexuality. my poor mother is incredibly uncomfortable. mandy is bored.

it's kind of funny, yet weird. i grew up in the 90s and all... and i got my first kiss when i was 13. i grew up playing with the boys next door (because there was no one else around), and so i really didn't think of boys any differently than girls. and it's only been since last year that i developed a crush on jake. which i'm not entirely sure i still have. but still.

we don't even talk all that much anymore... despite that i'm around him kind of a lot. it's like being friends with a stranger. if that makes sense. and it makes me sad.

and cambria: stop reading my blog without leaving comments and then dropping hints to me later about what you read. it's annoying. LEAVE A COMMENT, HALFER. luvu. :)

off to do more homework. not only am i turning into a blog whore, i'm also turning into a nerd. crap.

roxymotion♥

when i was feeling down, you'd start to hang around

noreply@blogger.com (Roxy Motion) — Sat, 31 Jan 2009 05:36:00 +0000

had avril's "get over it" stuck in my head all day.

i love that song.

anyhoo. tonight was fun. alan came over tonight and we just sort of hung out for a while. he left not long ago (because of my mom... "hey, kids, it's getting kind of late...").

i love late nights.

i also love how my mother is a little weird about alan, you know, hanging out in my room alone and all. she knows he's gay, so she's a little bit more relaxed, but... i mean, she was less concerned about JAKE and he's STRAIGHT.

geez, mom. you know, sometimes parents are really just not very bright.

-roxy being generous-

OO! I NOW HAVE A TWITTER! you might have noticed this. but. twitter is SO FUN! i'm sort of addicted. i'm not sure what's addicting about posting little clippets about what you're thinking and doing, but it is. and i love it.

plus my twitter looks remarkably like my blog. i know. i'm just amazing like that. lol.

i think alan and i talked about EVERYTHING under the freaking sun. i feel happy and kind of calm and quiet inside. i think maybe i got some stuff off my chest that i needed to get off, stuff that doesn't come out right on paper and sounds kind of crazy out loud unless you're talking to someone who GETS IT.

alan and i have really only been friends for a few months. it's crazy, really. but, ah, they say time flies when you're having fun.

roxymotion♥

don't turn around

noreply@blogger.com (Roxy Motion) — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 01:35:00 +0000

i hate adverb clauses.

anyhoo. thanks for the comments, everyone. all i have to say is, it's better to actually BE in the middle than it is to put someone in the middle.

if that makes sense.

i got an a on my last english quiz, despite my hatred of adverb clauses, and i'm pretty freaking happy about that right about now.

c&c and j&k are the same. except i caught christian reading maxim (the one with avril lavigne on the cover) and he begged me not to tell cambria. i just let him sweat. no promises, c, and i can't help it if cambria sometimes reads my blog.

excuse me while i go hack up a lung laughing.

anywho. other news... i got my revenge... and i didn't have to do anything at all.

the golden girl of the family... the beautiful one... the talented one... the smart one with the hot boyfriend, my cousin joulia...

got herself knocked up.

carley said that this isn't j's first pregnancy scare (more like the third), but this one turned out to be the real deal, so she had to fess up.

mom was pale when she got off the phone, and i was all, "god, that sucks, what's going to happen to the baby?"

even though i was laughing on the inside. hard. evilly.

i'm guessing it's erik's baby (which would make that kid a genetic goldmine, i must say), but with joolz you never really know. supposedly joolz has had a nerdy sex partner with acne (says carley).

um. okay. i'm assuming it wasn't rape. you never hear about nerds raping people (i think). so was it some sort of freakish attraction or payment for a favor?

ewwww.

well, if it was payment for a favor, that would explain joolz's a's in math class. she's even worse at math than i am, and that's saying a lot.

"joolz, what's 8 times 7?"

"uhh. hold on a sec. god, why do you want to know anyway? get a calculator."

or something like that. but you get the idea.

not long ago i was whining about what a bitch karma is. and now i'm pretty happy.

funny. i make peace with being single, and i meet a cute guy at youth group (yes, my parents make me go to youth group now, which sucks) who is, um, really nice, but has a bit of a God obsession. the last topic was missionary dating, which apparently is a christian dating a non christian so they'll (the non christian) see the error of their ways and get saved.

so he had to talk about that for a while. and the phrase "unequally yoked" came up a lot. i asked him what that meant, you know, because he could have been talking about oxen for all i know. he just laughed.

i wouldn't be against dating him, really. just that God thing is kind of annoying (although i have nothing against God, but hey ... talking about anything too much is obnoxious, like j&k's former pda), and i really am hoping he's not trying to save me or whatever.

his name is mike.

back to homework for me.

You make breaking hearts look so easy

noreply@blogger.com (Roxy Motion) — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 22:29:00 +0000

how sad is it that my first post of 2009 is 20 days into the new year?

sad, roxy, sad.

ANYWHO! I found out that my website, roxymotion.webs.com, was in the top 1% of sites the day i made it. WOOT! that's exciting. i should update it more, once i figure it out more.

anyways.... c&c have promise rings. i guess they're going to get married eventually. or whatever. alan's going out with an art freak (i really don't know what he sees in the guy, personally), and j&k are on the verge of a breakup.

I KNOW! i wanted it to happen for so long so i could have jake... and now... i'm actually SAD about it.

doesn't it suck when two of your friends are breaking up? (yes, i consider kira a friend now.) then you can't really pick sides like you can if it's just one friend.

i talk to jake. he seems sad.

then i talk to kira. she seems sad.

it's like they don't really WANT me to choose a side, or break up, or anything... and yet they're trying to get me to pick a side during this mess.

stupid, pathetic, idiotic people...

me, i've made peace with being single. i like where i am right now. most of my friends are sane (with a few notable exceptions) and my life is going okay.

erik and i don't text anymore. i don't know if he's with joolz or what.

sounds weird, me being all optimistic and all. but it's a good feeling, for once.

and the weather is so incredibly nice!

i've missed you guys so much!

roxymotion<3

newness

noreply@blogger.com (Roxy Motion) — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 23:58:00 +0000

sooo i have a new site.

roxymotion.webs.com

you can update that in your following things. i'm going to be posting there and all.

and it's exciting.

lol.

roxy

you never

noreply@blogger.com (Roxy Motion) — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 00:08:00 +0000

hey yo.

holy freakin' a i've missed this thing. absolutely no time to get on. and then mandy borrowed my computer and somehow managed to give it the blue screen of death. sooooo basically i had to get a new one.

anyway. a lot has gone down. cait was right. i am in a good mood.

c&c are still going strong. they're sort of like an old married couple. but it's cute to watch.

j&k .... well, it's like for how long they were attached with velcro. not anymore. their relationship seems more like jake's and mine, except we never made out in public all the time. i asked jake if they'd broken up (give me a break, i was taken over by the curiosity demon) and he said no.

huh.

alan and i are tight. sort of like the new jake except not. i'm a little sad that now i spend more time with him than i do jake, but that's life, i guess. and it's cool.

oh. and alan is gay.

i was surprised when he told me. i think i'm the first person he came out to. it's weird. it's like i can't see him with another guy and yet i can. but i fully support him. i personally don't know how i would ever come out if i were gay. it seems like it's hard. i don't know. it's not like being ashamed of what you are, i guess, but more afraid of what people will say. alan seemed relieved that i was cool about it. and that made me happy.

and it really has worked out, more or less. i told him i used to have a sort of crush on him, and we just laughed about it.

he's a really good person to laugh with.

thanksgiving was pretty calm. it was just us. by "us" i mean me, my mom and dad, and robby and mandy.

mandy thinks she's sixteen. it's funny to watch, but holy freaking A. i don't think i knew half the stuff at her age that she seems to know. and that was only a few years ago. i'm laughing here, but seriously ..... she's all, "does this look sexy?" blah blah blah.

i don't think i ever really cared about looking sexy. still don't, really.

she's freaking EIGHT. good lord.

robby, on the other hand, is trying to fend off the advances of a little eight-year-old vixen. seems the girl stuck her tongue in his mouth and he hauled off and slapped her, so his teacher called mom.

i laughed so hard when i heard the story.

my poor mom. she was just like, "roxy, will you PLEASE stop laughing! this is not at all funny!"

which only made me laugh harder.

christmas was fun. we opened the presents on christmas eve and had christmas breakfast ... then i went out with the c's and j&k and alan for a few hours. there's this big hill over and we sat on that, ripping out the grass and just talking.

i wonder if maybe alan sort of likes jake.

join the crowd, homey.

i feel more settled these days, like i don't feel all this empty, nervous space inside.

maybe i'm just maturing or something.

OR i could be just accepting all this.

i'm going to stop before i start sounding like jade. not that i actually can. she's smarter than i am. lol.

roxymotion♥

headaches & happiness

noreply@blogger.com (Roxy Motion) — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 04:14:00 +0000

six thingers that happify me......

1) lip gloss. i'm a freakin' lip gloss WHORE.
2) starbucks.
3) how i met your mother. god i love that show.
4) memories.
5) my cell phone. lol.
6) my blog and all its lovers and haters and crocigators

i'm in a weird mood.

take this and get happy. i shouldn't have to tag you. :)

hey, it's not over now

noreply@blogger.com (Roxy Motion) — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 01:23:00 +0000

me, roxy.

woot.

haha.

for halloween i'm borrowing my mother's clothes and stuff to make myself look older than i am, and i'm taking robby & mandy trick-or-treating. which i'm actually excited about, because i'm going to tell everyone they're my children and see who i fool.

probably no one.

oh well.

today i told everyone i don't feel like going to the halloween party tomorrow. which is true. i feel like being lonely and feeling sorry for myself. except i don't really feel sorry for myself. today i woke up and i was completely okay with myself and my life, fucked up and shitty as it is and I am. acceptance is the final step, as they say. or is that what they say? i have no idea. whatever. the point is, i'm cool with everything exactly as it is now.

i'm also going to borrow cambria's blond wig from two halloweens ago, since my mom is blond and i can't pass for her without blond hair, since mine is black/blond/pink.

alan gave me a sympathy hug, like aww, roxy, you poor devil, you.

whatever.

so, thanks everyone who gave me costume ideas (even though i didn't use any of them . . . HA!) and commented, and i hope you all have a wickedly awesome halloween.

and maybe an epiphany or two.

but a wicked halloween all the way around.

roxymotion.

little creepy girl with her little creepy face

noreply@blogger.com (Roxy Motion) — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 23:14:00 +0000

so i've had 30 posts since my debut in july (oy.... i had no idea i'd written that many....) and they've all been commented save one! (pink hair makes you invincible.... you can go leave me comments on that if you wish. just so it's not left out in the cold. ;])

neenerneenerneener.

halloween is coming!

one of my all time favorite holidays. i know, i'm 17 and i'm too old to trick or treat, but last year i went (with mandy & robby.... i also went to some halloween parties with my friends)..... i feel like going this year, although i really don't want to take my siblings. (for one, mandy is going to be hannah montana. really. robby's not sure yet. he's thinking about being a ninja or a pirate. so cliched, both of them.) and i need to pick a costume. last year i was corpse bride. haha. i'm really not sure what i want to be this year. i was thinking about maybe being a gothic doll (i love those dolls!!) or something retro and 60s-ish ....... ahh, i don't know.

cam&chris are going to be bella & edward, you know, from twilight.

so. annoying.

jake is also going to be a vampire, but he's going the goth route, sort of like gerard way (which will be awesome because he still has gerard hair). kira's going to be helena, like in the mcr video helena. (which will be weird, because the girl in that video is so skinny, and kira's gained around 15 pounds in the past month or so. oh god. i hope she isn't pregnant. i literally just thought of that. great. now i'm going to be all freaked over that. and i also can't see kira as being, you know, goth and dead. she's too........ lively.)

and then me.... again.

GRRRRRRRR

alan's going to be kurt cobain. two of his other friends are going to be krist novoselic and dave grohl. that's going to be cool. alan suggested that if i wanted to be "matchy" like c&c and j&k, i could be courtney love or something......

which i am vaguely tempted to do....

but i don't want to go the whole matchy route.

sort of.

it's probably because i don't want to be courtney love.

ah i don't know.

or i could go really cliched and be a witch. all i would have to do is get the pointy hat. i have this really cool black cape that i could wear over ........ something black, i guess.

meh.

and i don't wear slutty costumes as a matter of principle.

i like some of the costumes hot topic has. the black angel one is cool.

or..... i could be avril lavigne, with my pink hair and all.

meh.

i'll think of something.

eventually.

that's basically the only important thing....

except jake & cambria don't really seem to notice that i'm hanging out with them less and hanging out with alan & jade more.

ah well.

stuff changes.....

i like change as long as it doesn't change anything, if you know what i mean.

roxymotion♥

i've got troubled thoughts and the self-esteem to match

noreply@blogger.com (Roxy Motion) — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 01:34:00 +0000

so i downloaded "what a catch, donnie" today.

it is one of the saddest songs i've ever heard. i mean, it actually made me cry.

miss flack said "i still want you back"
i've got troubled thoughts
and the self-esteem to match
what a catch

yeah.

anyway.

so i got this assignment in writing class today...... i have to write a (short) romantic story.

now, i suck at writing stories to begin with (mostly because i can't describe things very well), and romantic stories are even worse.

like, i can't write about sexual stuff like some people can..... it's just unnatural for me.

i mean, a normal kissing scene is fairly descriptive.

a kissing scen written by me contains only a few words.

ie:

they kissed.
he kissed her.
she kissed him.

the end.

i mean, geez. what else do you want me to say?

cambria is so good at this stuff. i'm not sure why. i'm jealous.

like, i can't even write DIALOGUE. it comes off like a conversation between nervous people who hate each other or something.

like...... i don't know. it's just weird for me. i can't do it.

but i'll give it the old college try, as they say.

once upon a time there lived a boy and a girl. they lived in the same town and attended the same school. one day they decided to go out. so they decided they really liked dating and became boyfriend and girlfriend and made out in public all the time. they got married after they graduated and had seven children and lived happily ever after. the end.

alternate ending:
one day the girl caught the boy making out with another girl so she broke up with him and went home and slit her wrists and died. the boy married the other girl and lived happily ever after. the end.

there are more possible alternate endings.

but the point is, the story fucking sucks.

i hate writing.

it's not that i can't come up with a basic story EXACTLY. (although i admittedly took some parts of that story from my real life. if you've been a reader of mine for a while you know what i mean.) it's that i can't turn a stick figure into a portrait, if you catch my drift. like, i can't take that basic story (if i were to use it, which i'm not going to) and add pizzazz to it. (it's 1000ish words. oh, and it's due monday.)

motherclucker.

i wonder why my hands are so cold. i mean, my laptop is hot.

but yeah..... those are the only important things that happened today.

and erik and i have been texting again. i can't tell if he and joolz are broken up or not. he's being very vague (deliberately, i bet).

i wish i cared. but i don't.

this is what comes of feeling so sorry for yourself.

and i talked to cambria about volunteering. she says all i have to do is show up about an hour before their doors are supposed to open and i'm golden.

oh yeah. and we have officially joined cambria's church.

i think i might go hang myself.

if my parents HAD to get religious, why couldn't they have gotten a more.... i don't know. MODERN religion? it's just so blah.

maybe if i volunteer my parents will let me out of church. i would fully love that.

i mean, god understands. he knows that the sermons aren't doing me any good anyway. or anyone else, for that matter.

i sound like i'm trying to rationalize this away.

and i'm going to end this post before i write something genuinely insane.

roxy♥