Sunday, March 15, 2009

hey, man, tell me, what were you thinking?

okay, i'm home now and i can write what i wanted to before, but couldn't with jake looking over my shoulder. and i don't mean jake roxy, who is sitting next to me, punctuating various words with meows.


so glad it's spring break. the only thing is, joolz & co. are coming for a visit. not really looking forward to that.

i wonder if she's showing yet.

-evil smile-

i'm such a mean person.


jake and i have been hanging out a lot again, sometimes with alan, sometimes with c&c, sometimes all of us, sometimes just the two of us. 

actually, a lot of it's just the two of us, now, since alan's sort of, but not really, dating this guy milo.

yes, milo. like milo & otis.

but milo is nice. kind of cute. smart. funny. i like him.

and then there's mike, who i talk to at youth group, but never outside of it or anything. (he goes to another school, so i only have to see him thursday nights and whenever YG does shit.) and it's almost like he gets better looking every time i see him. WHICH IS ANNOYING. 

and he's been talking about some girl named katie lately, which is boring. i mean, really. do i care who you know or like? not really. (unless it's me.) do i go around talking about the people i know to you? no, i do not. 

i'm not THAT mean, exactly. i don't TOTALLY mind listening to people tell me about their friends. but the thing is, i can't tell if he's using her to make me jealous or something (i certainly don't see him talking with other girls at YG) or if he likes her. 

and that's really fucking annoying.

but other than that, he's nice. except for when he spouts churchy lingo. like, "what's God been doing for you?"
"uh, nothing much, really. he's there, i'm here."
"isn't that the truth. he's always there."
"so i've heard."

i can't complain, i'm in a church, you expect to hear stuff about God. but i don't think it's fair for my parents to make me attend YG.  when i'm out on my own, i am fully not going to church. i don't like it.

moving further along to what i wanted to say before.

a couple of nights ago, i kissed jake on the cheek — well, i was aiming for his cheek, anyway — and he turned his head and caught half of it on the lips.

it was over too quickly for me to tell if he's a good kisser or not. (which i've always been curious about.)

and then it just got awkward and embarrassing for about five minutes.

then we were talking about something else and more or less forgot about it. well, the awkwardness dissipated, anyway. 

i don't know if i actually want to DATE jake. i mean, if he asked me out, in all honesty, i'd probably say yes. but... i think maybe more a FWB type of thing. i mean, what if it all goes south if we date and then break up? and just sort of fade out of each other's lives like kira's doing. it's like she's trying to wean herself off us or vice versa or whatever. but we're not seeing as much of her these days.

he's been my best friend since we were kids. and i really don't want to lose that. 

so... i don't what i'll do. 

if anything. i'm kind of fine with the way it is right now. 


ps. that doesn't mean i'm still not curious about that.

5 lovers & haters:

Mr Bam-bam said...

dont mess things up with your friend. trust me losing someone youve been good friends with for a long time sucks.

Miss. Maddie said...

Wow your blog is great! We tend to look things in the same way. And no i don't think its fair for your parents to force you to go to church.

Can't wait to read more!

-Madelynn Ann-

.{C.L.A.i.i.R.3}. said...

I love your wonderful writing!

Follow my blog!

cady x said...

I don't have to go to YG.

Graciε ಌ said...

ah yes...


don't mess up your friendship!!!!

maybe jake is perfect for you, but awkwardness SUCKS!

>>>>follow my blog!