Sunday, March 29, 2009


okay, so this is my 47th post. which is, i guess, kind of pathetic since i've had this thing for almost a year, in july. 

wandering child is making me do this. um. it's better than other tags i've been forced to do. :P

i was born just after midnight on july 23, 1991, which makes me a leo by only a few minutes. (i'm very proud of being a leo for some reason. don't ask why.) at first, my mom thought her contractions were indigestion, but my dad was freaking out and insisted on taking her to the hospital. turned out, he was right, and i arrived in the big, wide world a couple of hours later.

at age five, i discovered what meat was made of, and i tried vegetarianism. that lasted about three days, when i discovered that the only things i liked eating had meat in them. (for the most part, anyway. you can't live on french fries and cucumber slices.)

at school, i was constantly criticized for being the first one to finish my work (which means i was always the first one out on the playground, bitch) and often accused (wrongly, might i add) of cheating. several teachers thought i was gifted, but this isn't true. i'm fast, not smart. 

i attended only about a month of second grade, due to the fact that i was constantly falling ill or severely injuring myself, so i had to repeat that grade, which was very embarrassing for me at the time, and i often lied about my age. 

we moved around a lot until mom discovered she was pregnant with the twins (they were born not long before i turned nine), and we settled in the town i'm in now, although we have changed houses a few times. i met jake the summer before fourth grade at the girl next door's birthday party. he was really only there because his mom and her mom were close friends. i found the party ridiculously boring (it was supposed to be a fantasy ball theme, and it was stupid), and jake and i wound up bonding over a mutual love of baseball and nickelodeon. it turned out that we were in the same class when school started, so we wound up hanging out together a lot. 

we also went to catholic church (or whatever it's called... mass?) when we lived in jersey, mostly because we lived with my uber-religious great aunt. her house was like a freakin' shrine, and every time the church doors were open, we were there.

at twelve, in sixth grade, we met cambria. she's a year younger than jake and me. when i first met her, i must say, i wasn't exactly impressed. she was very quiet and dressed like the cast of barney and friends. (obviously, i was much, much cooler.) we really didn't hit it off until spring break, when jake went off to wherever he went with his family, and cambria and i were left to entertain ourselves. actually, we probably wouldn't have gotten close if our dads hadn't become friends. her dad would drop cambria off at our house while he and my dad went off to go fishing or whatever. anyway, by the end of sixth grade, jake, cambria and i were inseparable.

in seventh grade, at thirteen, i got my first boyfriend (who has since moved to colorado or someplace), nathan, who gave me my first kiss. i think we were both too immature, since the next day he was dating some other girl (he was very popular in seventh grade, i might add) and i was rigging his locker to spit a million ping pong balls into the hall when he opened it. i can't believe i got away with that. good times.

eighth grade, cambria's dad got married (well, remarried, anyway), jake got his first girlfriend (amid much suspicion that i was his girlfriend... some things never change), and i didn't date anyone, having come to the conclusion that all guys were scum (super long story). jake asked me what he was, chopped liver? i said yes, he was. that was also the year i got my first starring role in the school play. what can i say... participation was low, and so they had to lower their standards considerably. it was either me or the loudmouthed bitch who wound up playing my servant.

ninth grade, freshman year, was actually pretty tame, free from fabled freshman torture. i started dating landon, whom i consider my first REAL boyfriend (nathan was... experimental, i guess). more on him in a moment. jake's girlfriend (i can't remember her name) moved, and they eventually just stopped talking. cambria's stepmother got religion and made cambria get a promise ring, along with making the family start attending church regularly. cambria complained for a while, until she got religion too (or something... she won't say she got saved or whatever), and then she shut up. 

in tenth grade, landon and i broke up very amicably, although i went home and cried myself to sleep two nights in a row. come to think of it, i'm still not sure why we broke up. maybe i should give him a call. i'm pretty sure he's still around. i also tried being a vegetarian again, twice. that lasted all of two weeks, collectively. i also worked on the newspaper, debate team (which they disbanded because no one was really interested in it), ran track and was on drama team. i also spent a lot of time helping cambria with yearbook, although i wasn't yearbook staff. (I HATED YEARBOOK.) i also met jade that year.

right now, i'm seventeen, a junior, and an extremely sporadic blogger. this past year has been more or less recorded here, so i'm not going to reiterate it entirely. i had a very interesting summer with some extended family, jake dated a girl named kira (very seriously, might i add), cambria started dating a guy named christian, who is also her first boyfriend and fellow promise-ring wearer, and i haven't dated anyone yet. i've become close with alan, who is dating a guy named milo, and jade and i are still friends. i've also started going to cambria's church (TOTALLY not my idea) and youth group, and i'm still in acting and i write an advice column for the school newspaper. that's fun. 

that was more of a rundown of my love life than anything, which is pathetic. 

i'm thinking i might give landon a call, though. or at least try... i mean, why not? i haven't thought about him in FOREVER, until this tag thinger... props to WC.


am i supposed to tag other people? um.

i tag pooks, nicole linette, jemima, alayna whisper, natalie, and rose valentine.

the end of the story.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

and I walked right into school and caught you staring at me

i do not like katy perry.

but cambria does. and she's been singing/playing "one of the boys" all day and it's stuck in my head now.

it's not bad. "i kissed a girl" was okay the first few times. after that, it just got annoying, especially with all the media frenzy. 


"hot n cold" was basically the same, without the insane media frenzy ... and "ur so gay" ... well, let's just say that i really hate that song.

moving on.

these past weeks have been ... interesting. 

i really have no idea where the time goes. you look at the clock, it's around eleven a.m. ... you look again and it's five p.m.


katie came to YG, so i finally got to meet her. she turned out to be an eighth-grader. 


she's pretty. blond, blue-eyed. just ... kind of blah. from what i can tell, there's nothing remotely interesting or quirky about her. white bread, cookie-cutter type of person. 

a circle is more edgy.

i like to think i'm more or less an open-minded person. but, really... i mean, katie is twelve. mike is seventeen. and they're dating. it's one of those, "um,  yeah, okay" type of relationships.

and ah... jake and i kissed, for real this time (not my fault, it was all him), and it felt really good but so, so wrong... so wrong. and we had a very long, very awkward conversation and now we're really not speaking to each other.

i mean, we're friendly, on speaking TERMS and such but not really hanging out. 

so. yeah.

last saturday i took a mini road trip with alan and milo over to the next town to visit milo's sister. that was pretty fun.

see, this is why i love alan. he's one of the best people i know, he's nice and funny and caring and nothing is ever complicated with him. i mean, it's like he just GETS everything.

(from what i can tell, milo is pretty much the same way, only he doesn't like anything that alan likes, except football.)

nothing is ever a major issue with between us. it's there, it is what it is, we can talk about it and it's okay, either way, and IT'S REALLY ANNOYING THAT I CAN'T HAVE THAT WITH ANYONE ELSE. 

okay, i didn't realize this was kind of a sore subject with me until i started writing about it. but it's not all bad. except for a few things, this week has been pretty okay. 

in a way, i envy katie. i wish i were back in middle school, when everything was so much less complicated.

i'd love to have a nice long chat with my younger self... you know, give her a few pointers, tell her a few things to avoid... and a few things to do instead. 

like, maybe i should have started this blog sooner, and i definitely shouldn't have let cambria try to layer my hair that one time. although, all in all, it really didn't turn out that bad.

r o x y m o t i o n ♥

You Are 16% Spoiled
You are definitely not spoiled. You've worked hard for what you have.
Down to earth and grounded, you don't need a lot to make you happy.

so said the personality test, and personality tests are never wrong!

Sunday, March 15, 2009

hey, man, tell me, what were you thinking?

okay, i'm home now and i can write what i wanted to before, but couldn't with jake looking over my shoulder. and i don't mean jake roxy, who is sitting next to me, punctuating various words with meows.


so glad it's spring break. the only thing is, joolz & co. are coming for a visit. not really looking forward to that.

i wonder if she's showing yet.

-evil smile-

i'm such a mean person.


jake and i have been hanging out a lot again, sometimes with alan, sometimes with c&c, sometimes all of us, sometimes just the two of us. 

actually, a lot of it's just the two of us, now, since alan's sort of, but not really, dating this guy milo.

yes, milo. like milo & otis.

but milo is nice. kind of cute. smart. funny. i like him.

and then there's mike, who i talk to at youth group, but never outside of it or anything. (he goes to another school, so i only have to see him thursday nights and whenever YG does shit.) and it's almost like he gets better looking every time i see him. WHICH IS ANNOYING. 

and he's been talking about some girl named katie lately, which is boring. i mean, really. do i care who you know or like? not really. (unless it's me.) do i go around talking about the people i know to you? no, i do not. 

i'm not THAT mean, exactly. i don't TOTALLY mind listening to people tell me about their friends. but the thing is, i can't tell if he's using her to make me jealous or something (i certainly don't see him talking with other girls at YG) or if he likes her. 

and that's really fucking annoying.

but other than that, he's nice. except for when he spouts churchy lingo. like, "what's God been doing for you?"
"uh, nothing much, really. he's there, i'm here."
"isn't that the truth. he's always there."
"so i've heard."

i can't complain, i'm in a church, you expect to hear stuff about God. but i don't think it's fair for my parents to make me attend YG.  when i'm out on my own, i am fully not going to church. i don't like it.

moving further along to what i wanted to say before.

a couple of nights ago, i kissed jake on the cheek — well, i was aiming for his cheek, anyway — and he turned his head and caught half of it on the lips.

it was over too quickly for me to tell if he's a good kisser or not. (which i've always been curious about.)

and then it just got awkward and embarrassing for about five minutes.

then we were talking about something else and more or less forgot about it. well, the awkwardness dissipated, anyway. 

i don't know if i actually want to DATE jake. i mean, if he asked me out, in all honesty, i'd probably say yes. but... i think maybe more a FWB type of thing. i mean, what if it all goes south if we date and then break up? and just sort of fade out of each other's lives like kira's doing. it's like she's trying to wean herself off us or vice versa or whatever. but we're not seeing as much of her these days.

he's been my best friend since we were kids. and i really don't want to lose that. 

so... i don't what i'll do. 

if anything. i'm kind of fine with the way it is right now. 


ps. that doesn't mean i'm still not curious about that.

want to be your last first kiss

my previous record was 12 comments on a blog post. that was broken by one comment.


cats are apparently a very comment-inducing topic. especially when you are asking for your readership's help naming said cat. 

which is named like a celebrity baby. you know, since celebrity kids get stuck with, like, twenty names and all of them are weird. 

most of the time.

anyway, on official documents it says the kitty's name is jake roxy, which nobody likes, but it's my cat and i can name him whatever i want. (jake roxy turned out to be a boy, which was a grave disappointment to me.) so, obviously, i call him that. and it's very hard when i'm trying to scold jake roxy for something (like chewing paper and leaving little saliva-drenched shreds all over the place), because i laugh every time i say "jake roxy" out loud. 

my mother calls JR felix, after the iconic black & white cartoon cat. my sister calls him spots (which is a really, really lame name, but at least it's better than her previous suggestions of either nick (for nick jonas) or zac (for zac efron) for a boy, or miley (obvious) or ashley (for ashley tisdale) for a girl). my brother's name for jake roxy changes depending on who he's with (case in point: around my mom he calls JR felix, around me he calls him either jake or roxy, etc.). my father had a good laugh over the whole name fiasco and now refers to jake roxy as "your cat", as in, "roxy, will you please come down here and get your cat? he's chewing my newspaper again."

and my father does not appreciate his copy of the new york times being turned into wet confetti, let me tell you.

fortunately for me, jake roxy doesn't really chew up anything important. he prefers crumpled paper, mostly.

overall, i think JR has been pretty well-received.

there's more i want to write but i'll have to do it after jake (the original one) leaves.